Hold Me Until Forever Read online

  “You okay?” He tilted his head and frowned down at her.

  Freaking wonderful. If he let go of her she’d fall at his feet. She was over trying to get him to notice her as an available woman. She was only hyperventilating because she was plastered against his hard muscled body in a way she’d only ever done in her dreams before.

  No shit, Sherlock.

  “I’m fine. Too much champagne, probably.” Yeah, right.

  “You want to sit down?” He didn’t loosen his hold on her though. Interesting…

  No, it wasn’t interesting. It was just him being all concerned and brotherly. If it were anything else, she’d feel it. And there was absolutely nothing going on between Alex Grayson’s legs.

  “Hell no.” She slapped on the fake smile she’d shown the world since she was fourteen, when the bullies at school had turned on her when she’d cut off all her hair. Don’t fuck with me, assholes. It was easier not to care what jerks said when she could hide behind her war paint. “These shoes were made for dancing, not propping up a bar stool.”

  “Those shoes were made for something,” Alex said. “And it sure as hell isn’t dancing.”

  Her heel wobbled dangerously, and she clutched his arms before she made a complete idiot of herself. If any other man had said that to her, she’d take it as a total come on.

  His gaze was intense, all dark and smoky. Her heart slammed against her ribs, and the pit of her stomach fluttered. This is Alex. He definitely wasn’t hitting on her.

  Yes, he is.

  Her mouth went dry.

  “What were they made for?” Her voice was husky. Don’t let me be wrong.

  He leaned in close until his jaw brushed her cheek. Holy hell. This was better than any of her midnight fantasies.

  “You don’t want to know, Ella.”

  She slid her hands up his powerful arms and linked her fingers around the back of his neck. It was the closest they’d been since that fateful night when she’d been sixteen.

  “Try me.”

  His cock stirred, hot and hard against her stomach. Well, hello stranger. She smothered the nervous giggle that bubbled in her chest. Alex Grayson didn’t look on her as his little sister after all.

  Without releasing her, he led her off the dance floor. How had they ended up on this side of the ballroom? They were right by the magnificent French doors with their sweeping crimson and gold velvet drapes that looked like something from a palace, and he pulled her outside onto the terrace.

  Roses covered the wrought iron railings that surrounded the terrace, and their heady perfume drifted in the warm fall breeze. He still didn’t let her go or answer her dare but led her further away from the other guests until they were alone in their own moonlit world.

  “Thought you weren’t a romantic.” She gazed up at him. The full moon cast a silvery glow across the lake, and he towered over her, dark and brooding. Her breath caught in her throat, and she ran her palm over his military cropped hair.

  Feels so much sexier than I imagined. And she’d imagined a lot over the last few years.

  He gripped her wrist and pulled her hand from his head. “I’m not.”

  She flexed her fingers. His grip wasn’t light, but damn it felt good. “Neither am I.”

  He backed her up against the brick wall and pinned her hand above her head. Yes…

  “You deserve romance. Someone who’ll see you for who you really are.”

  “Like you?” She arched her back, and he didn’t retreat.

  “No. I don’t do forever.”

  Wait. What?

  “Who the hell’s talking about forever?” She knew he didn’t do long term. Just one night would be enough.

  Liar.

  Didn’t matter. She’d finally given up on her teenage dream of happily ever after with Alex.

  So why did it still sting when he threw the idea of forever in her face?

  She dug the fingers of her free hand into his shoulder, and in a lightning fast reaction he imprisoned both of her wrists in one strong hand. The wall grazed her knuckles, but she didn’t care about that.

  Does he want me or not?

  He didn’t crush her against the wall with his body, but he was so close his heat enveloped her. Her nipples ached and her panties were wet. Why couldn’t he just kiss her already?

  “I’m not going to ruin what we have for one night of sex.”

  Clouds distorted the moon, and the wind turned cold. One night of sex. That’s all he’d want from her. Why did it hurt, when she knew all along that was the most she could expect?

  It took a couple of seconds before the rest of his comment fell into place. He might not look on her as his sister, but he sure as hell didn’t want her enough to risk their friendship. Why does he always have to be so fucking careful? She dredged up her faithful sardonic smile and focused on his nose so she didn’t have to look him in the eye.

  “You don’t know what you’re missing, hon.”

  Chapter Two

  Worst. Hangover. Ever.

  Ella pulled a threadbare tiger-embroidered cushion over her head as she curled up at the end of her cat-scratched sofa. She hoped Alex was feeling as rotten as she was. Except she knew he wasn’t. He never got so drunk that he couldn’t walk straight the next day.

  At least she hadn’t slept with him. In the harsh light of day she saw that had to be a good thing. If she’d woken up this morning with him next to her, where would they go from there?

  She sighed and wrapped her arms around the cushion. He probably hadn’t meant anything he’d said or did the way she thought in any case. Admit it. The night was a haze in her mind. Had she really told him he didn’t know what he was missing?

  Just as well she’d been offered the job of office administrator at the Gaia Wildlife Retreat. It was her life’s dream to work full time in the animal sanctuary in the San Gabriel Mountains, where she’d volunteered since she was fifteen.

  Sure, it meant a pay cut and moving back home. She paid half the rent on her mom’s place so she might as well get some benefit from it.

  Mom’ll love that. Not.

  But it couldn’t be helped. She didn’t want to dip into her savings just to cover living expenses. On the plus side she’d be able to take in more foster kittens.

  Of course it also meant she’d once again be living next door to Alice Flanagan, Alex’s gran. But that was better than working with him every day of the week.

  Keep telling yourself that. She scowled and dug her fingers into the cushion. She wasn’t a masochist, and since Alex had bought quarter shares in a new adult club, Excalibur, last year, the pain of seeing him every day was starting to outweigh the pleasure.

  Stupid, really. Just because he’d bought into the club didn’t change anything. He was the same as he’d always been, doing what he’d always done. She was the one who couldn’t get her imagination to switch off every time she knew he was going there.

  Her cell went. Was it Alex again? He’d left a couple of messages last night after she’d left the wedding and caught a cab home. She hadn’t bothered replying to him. She guessed she should. He might not want to screw her seven ways to Sunday but he did care about her.

  She eased the cushion off her face. One of her cats, Toffee, batted her nose, and she squinted at the screen. “Hey, Coop.”

  “Wanted you to be the first to know,” Cooper said, sounding disgustingly gleeful. She winced and hid behind the cushion again. “Paris and me are engaged.”

  She smiled and shoved the cushion off her face. “Hey that’s great. When’s the big day?”

  “Give us a chance. We have to tell Paris’ mom yet.”

  “And Alex.” At least that would make him see there was absolutely no way she and Cooper belonged together. Not that it mattered any more because she was leaving Grayson’s, wasn’t she?

  “Saw you two on the dance floor last night.”

  She sighed. She’d never been able to hide her crush from Cooper. And good friend that
he was, he’d never once told her to get the hell over it. “Yeah, and that’s all that happened. I’ve moved on.”

  There was a silence. It was obvious he didn’t believe a word. Finally he let out a long breath. “Okay. You’re too good for him anyway.”

  She laughed at that. “Sure I am. Anyway, I’m really happy for you both. Give Paris a hug from me.”

  When he hung up, the smile slowly slid from her face. For the last five years, while the four of them had worked all hours to build the business, she’d sometimes thought things would never change. The brothers never got serious with anyone, and while she hadn’t been ignorant of Alex’s lifestyle, the fact it was all so casual was kind of a balm.

  But now J was married and Coop engaged. Things had changed a lot lately for the three Grayson brothers, and Alex wasn’t happy about all of it.

  He hadn’t seemed happy she was leaving, either. She’d known he wouldn’t be. But she’d find a great replacement before she left. The business was expanding, and he’d soon get used to her not being there.

  But just in case things got too awkward while she worked out her notice, she had a Plan B. Paris had said she could stay for a few days in her cabin in the mountains if she wanted.

  Toffee curled up on her chest, and his brother Treacle sat at the end of the sofa. “I’m not letting him down,” she told them. Treacle flicked his tail and Toffee licked her chin as though they completely believed her.

  It didn’t stop the guilt eating through her, though.

  Alex cut the engine of his convertible and eyed the old brick building where Ella had her apartment. It was none of his business if she’d taken Brock fucking Wilkins home with her last night.

  After her parting shot on the terrace, she’d disappeared back into the ballroom and flirted with every man who glanced her way. And when he’d gone looking for her to take her home, she’d already left.

  He forcibly relaxed his grip on the steering wheel. They saw each other most days at work. He knew she had a life. It might eat him up inside, but he could deal with it.

  It was different when he had to witness her showing off her lethal charm and see her hooking up for the night.

  With a fucking football player.

  He got out of the car and slammed the door shut. The only reason he was here now was because they had unfinished business. He intended to change her mind about leaving, and he wanted it sorted before Monday morning.

  It had nothing to do with the way she’d wrapped her arms around him and flirted.

  She’d been half wasted. She’d admitted as much.

  I should never have let her go back into that ballroom alone.

  So what was he thinking? That he should’ve pushed her up against that wall? Taken advantage of her mocking taunt instead of backing off, the way he’d backed off for the last eight years?

  He pressed her bell. It took a while before she picked up the intercom. An image of her with Wilkins flooded his mind and it wasn’t pretty.

  “Hey, Ella. It’s Alex.”

  There was a silence. He couldn’t hear any whispered conversation in the background. “Alex?” There was a disbelieving note in her voice. “What’re you doing here?”

  “Just wanted to make sure you got home okay.”

  A woman left the building, and he held the door open for her before going in himself. The last time he’d been inside the building was when he’d helped Ella move into her apartment.

  He didn’t bother with the rackety elevator and took the stairs two at a time. Just lately it’d been getting harder to convince himself that she was nothing more than a sister to him. For years he’d told himself she belonged with Cooper. His brother, despite the dipshit father they’d shared, was everything he wasn’t.

  Hell, Coop and Ella had been best friends since they were four years old. They’d done everything together. They’d make a great couple and he’d know her heart was safe.

  He’d know she was safe. Period.

  But his brother was with Paris, and Ella dated random guys as though it were going out of fashion. She had no idea how much he wanted to take her home, tie her to his bedposts and take her every which way until the bed collapsed.

  Never going to happen. The words echoed through his head as he stood outside her door. She needed a man who knew how to love. Not one who was so screwed up he didn’t even know the meaning of the word.

  Not a man who’d lost his shit and killed his own father at the age of sixteen.

  He rapped on the door. She slowly opened it, security chain still in place. The shock on her face was priceless. “Morning.”

  She slammed the door shut and the chain rattled before she pulled it open again. She was clutching a tiny black and white kitten. When did she get a kitten? “You do know I’ve been talking to you all this time, right?”

  “I’m here now. You can say it to my face.” He followed her into the living room. No sign of Wilkins.

  She turned to face him and ran a hand through her hair. Her face was clean of makeup, and for a second the smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks distracted him. He’d almost forgotten about her freckles.

  The hell he had.

  He liked her distinctive makeup style. It’d been years since he’d seen her without at least her lips painted some vibrant shade. Then again, he’d never seen her first thing in the morning.

  Fuck, you’re hot. His treacherous body hardened before he managed to crush the thought. Coming here was a bad idea. Just like dancing with her last night.

  She put the kitten on her sofa. A huge ginger cat sat on each armrest, looking like a pair of furry guards. Their unblinking green gaze was kind of unnerving. How many cats did she have?

  She folded her arms. The man’s shirt was huge on her, with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows and the hem showed off her gorgeous legs to perfection.

  It wasn’t the formal shirt Wilkins wore last night. This one was casual and faded. Who the hell’s shirt was she wearing. More to the point, why?

  “All I said was yes I got home okay. Sorry I didn’t reply to your messages. I’ve only just gotten up.”

  He dragged his gaze from the shirt and stared into her eyes. She looked as though she could hardly keep them open. Something ugly twisted deep in his chest. He locked it down hard, and kept his face impassive. The way he learned to do back in juvie.

  Ella’s sex life is none of my business.

  He needed to talk to her, but not if Wilkins was still in her apartment. Her bedroom door was half open. If the other man was there, why the hell hadn’t he come out?

  And then something did come out. A black kitten.

  “I didn’t know you had cats.” He didn’t want to talk about cats. But she had four. He didn’t even know she had any.

  “What?” She gave him a weird look as she bent to pick up the new arrival. “I’ve always had cats.”

  “You never told me.” What the hell? Get back on track, Grayson.

  “You’re not exactly a cat person. Didn’t think you’d be interested.”

  Of course he wasn’t a cat person. What did that have to do with anything?

  “You got any more? Or is this the lot?” He caught the gaze of one of the gingers, who gave him the stink eye.

  “I’m only fostering these two at the moment.” She followed his gaze. “Toffee and Treacle are mine.”

  “You foster kittens?” He glanced at the one on the sofa and then the one Ella was still holding. He’d never seen anything so tiny before. He had the mad urge to stroke them, just to see what it felt like.

  He hastily backed up a step before he followed through. He didn’t get up close and personal with small furry creatures.

  “For the last couple of years. This one is Widget and that’s her brother, Wizard.”

  “I’m surprised your landlady allows it.”

  She tickled her kitten under its chin before placing it next to the other one. “Coop persuaded her.” She shot him a grin. “He also got
permission to enclose my balcony in aviary wire so they can all go out there and get some sun.”

  So Cooper knew all about this. Of course he did. He wasn’t sure why that bugged him though.

  He edged his way into the tiny kitchen area. “Want me to put the coffee on?” A shot of caffeine would clear his head. Plus he needed to make sure they were alone in the apartment without her guessing how much he wanted to march into her bedroom and check for himself. “How many cups?” He picked a couple off the draining board. If she says three…

  Alex is making coffee in my apartment. It was such a normal thing—nothing she’d imagined him doing if she ever got him here alone—that her brain was having a minor meltdown.

  “How many cups?” she repeated. What was he talking about? Only when he gave a grim sideways glance toward her bedroom did the meaning hit her.

  He thought she’d brought Brock back with her. What would he do if she had? Sling him out on his ass?

  He’d never interfered in her sex life before. But he sure as hell hadn’t ever turned up at her apartment like this either. If she’d known handing in her notice would make him so…attentive, she would’ve done it years ago.

  “It’s just us.” And then she couldn’t help herself. “Now.”

  His expression didn’t change but a muscle twitched in his jaw. Is he jealous? It wasn’t possible. Unless she was still dreaming. That would work. Fascinated, she watched him fill the coffee machine. He had the most gorgeous hands. And fingers. And arms…

  She realized he’d said something. “Huh?” She blinked at him. Don’t drool.

  “I said we need to talk about it, Ella.”

  She had no idea what he meant. “Sure.” She shrugged, as though his comment made complete sense. Which it probably did, if her head didn’t hurt so much it was hard to think straight.

  “What about if we hired a part time assistant? Would that help?”

  It took several head-thumping seconds before his words fully penetrated. He was still talking about her freaking resignation.